#110 - Scott Brearley - Journey of Trauma, Addiction, & Redemption

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Everybody, you're listening to
me.

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I'm going to tell you that was
supposed to be.

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What's up the boys and girls
listen to Chris and Mike show.

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I'm Chris, he's Mike.
And with a special guest today,

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Scott barely from Canada A and
he's going to chime in here and

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tell us what he's all about and
what we're going to talk about.

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We're going to have a nice
little fun episode for you.

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So Scott, welcome to the show.
Please entertain us.

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Welcome, Scott.
Thanks for coming.

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I'm from Canada, I've lived
from, I grew up close to Toronto

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and now I live just outside of
Vancouver.

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Cool.
I've spent my life.

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It started out with a start.
I almost got killed at 7 by a

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car.
I got dragged 40 yards, OK.

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And from there, it kind of went
downhill for years and.

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How did that happen?
Yeah, How'd that happen?

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Well, I was one street over from
where I lived and I stole the

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girl skip and rope and she went
to tell her mom and I dropped

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the skip and rope and ran into
the car.

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Apparently that's how the and
then I got hung up on the car

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somehow and drag and two broken
legs, broken arm, fractured

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skull, my lung collapsed and a
lot of head damage.

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And you know, I spent years of
my life riddled with addiction

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and anger and I could never
figure out what was wrong with

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me.
And I always stemmed it back to

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the accident and thought maybe
it's just head damage and I'll

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never get over it.
And right, his anger was pretty

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prominent.
And I know a lot of people with

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head injuries.
Anger becomes a problem and.

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Right.
So I was around 12 step programs

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for the better part of 40 years
and I I've currently got 23

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years in this year clean and so.
I just, I just passed 20

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February.
Yeah, nice.

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Yeah.
And and Mike, we decided was

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about 15 or so.
Yeah, yeah, probably closer to

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17 now, yeah.
Nice so about I was at 11 years

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again and not again should say
it.

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I was 11 years and I got
divorced from my wife, which was

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pretty.
Traumatic and sorry of course

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now was was was that kind of
stemmed from the trauma you

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experienced as a child because
obviously a little.

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Bit yeah, a little bit of both,
right?

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A little bit of her because she
was in recovery and she stuck

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from her own stuff and I and
then together we just were

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toxic.
OK, let's let's go back a little

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bit with with your your incident
that happened when you're 7, how

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long did it take to recover from
that?

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I'm going to say probably a
year.

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Like I remember I even had to at
7.

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I had to or eight.
I think I was by then.

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I had the humiliation of going
from a 2 Wheeler back to a trike

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hanging out with kids were
younger than me because they.

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Wouldn't me the other?
Yeah, OK.

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And then I got you're in OK, so
with that with with that post

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accident trauma and stuff did
how does how does that turn into

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you becoming an addict?
Was there something that you

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started at a young age start
experience with painkillers or

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what?
Get a pain or picture so people

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can understand bud.
I think what happened was, of

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course, in the hospital they had
me wired on some sort of drug to

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keep the pain wrong.
Sure.

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And then by the time I was 11,
OK, I had made my first

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geographical cure, not knowing
it was a geographical cure, in

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grade five, I was having so much
trouble in the school I was in.

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I came up with this idea.
Oh, it might be better at a

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different school.
So I got my parents to transfer

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me to a different school, and
their age limit went up a little

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higher than what they went from.
Instead of grade 6, it went to

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grade 8.
OK, well I went over there in

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grade 6 and of course that's
where I've Grade 6 is where I

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found marijuana.
OK, that's what I that's why I

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was leading to this, because you
went from from 7 year olds

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accident and all of a sudden I'm
23 years sober.

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We had, yeah, we we had the job,
buddy.

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Good point.
Were you?

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Diagnosed with like any kind of
traumatic brain injury because I

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know that's pretty recent.
Back then, they didn't know

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about.
That back then they didn't do

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anything.
They just let you wild.

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And so anyways, the last day of
grade 6 in this new school, it

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had lots of problems.
I was the kid that the teacher

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would go write lines or go to
the office.

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I would stand up and go to the
office and refuse to write the

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lines.
Oh, OK.

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So you definitely.
Had a neighbor neighbor, like

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actually next door neighbor
where I grew up.

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He was the science teacher and
all my life I called him Bruce

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and all he called me Scotty.
So I get to his class and I

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didn't like being called Scotty
in front of my friends because

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back then it was kind of gay or
whatever.

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My brother used me or I don't
even know what doesn't even make

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sense today because I think body
sounds cool, right?

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Yeah.
But so I get in his class and

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he's calling me Scotty.
So I kept calling him Bruce.

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And he goes, you've got up here.
And he wouldn't, he wouldn't

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stop calling me Scotty.
So anyways, I was kicked out of

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the class.
That's how they dealt with stuff

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back then.
And this is in Canada.

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In in Canada anyways.
OK, Yeah.

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So Fast forward to the day
before sports day.

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I don't know if they have sports
day and public school and.

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Explain what sports day is,
because we know this is a

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worldwide thing.
Here we're in 19 countries.

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So you got to, you got to when
you, when you drop some, when

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you drop.
Yeah, usually 1/2 day to a three

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quarter game school and all you
do is go to school and have fun.

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Like there's a little bit of
track, there's balloons rolling,

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there's what, like tug of war?
I think we, yeah, we had that in

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Arizona when I was in grade
school.

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We called it field day.
Yeah, yeah.

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So they might have.
Called it.

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I'm just, I just remembered his
sports day.

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It was a long time ago.
Very.

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Similar.
Yeah, it's OK.

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Now we got to we understand what
that is cool.

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So anyways the day before that
me and a friend were down at

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this little Creek and we had to
hold each other by the shoulders

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like this and we were spinning
each other around trying to get

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each other wet so we'd get
trapped when we went to school.

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Well no, it was pretty tragic.
He fell down and landed on

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either a sharp rock glass and
they ended up having to bring

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stuff like tenons and stuff from
here to get his hand working

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again.
Oh wow.

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Well, that started one of the
big catastrophic another

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catastrophic.
I was expelled from school.

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So even though.
So you were you're.

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So you're playing with your
buddy.

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Yeah.
And it was a pure accident.

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Yep.
And then they blame you and

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expel you.
Yes, wow.

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So then they sent me.
Here starts the story of the

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shrinks and all this who was
getting me too.

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And of course, I was a
rebellious kid, so I went in and

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tried to shove the square peg
into the.

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Round bowl and.
Was disobedient because I

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thought it was all BS.
Yeah.

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So the next year they let me
back in school and in Canada

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grade 7 is the first year you
get to go in shop class.

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Oh, right on.
However, I didn't get to go, so

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they put me in special Ed.
I was the only kid in the

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classroom with one teacher and
I, I don't recollection, I don't

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really know how long I was in
this class for eventually got up

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and walked to the door.
And as I've said before, I'm

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rebellious and I've been smoking
lots of dope.

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And right from the gate I, I
think the first week I was

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smoking marijuana, I was
stealing money out of my mom's

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purse.
That's how desperate I was for

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it.
Oh.

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OK.
So I get up and walk to the door

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and Miss Fraser, I don't even
know how I remember her name

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because she's the only teacher's
name I remember.

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And she gets up and stands in my
way and she goes, where are you

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going?
I'm like, I'm going home.

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She's like, no, you're not.
And I'm like, yeah, I'm going

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home.
I go, you can call my dad.

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Just call him.
And so I left.

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He called my, she called my dad
and my dad just calls the house.

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15 I was at home for 5 minutes
because he knew how long it took

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to walk there and he, I guess
you're going to work tomorrow,

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get your work boots.
So he took me to work and it was

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great.
I need to actually backtrack a

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little bit on the story.
The day the accident happened,

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OK, with Steve, I remember going
home and I was terrified.

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Like I went right to my room,
laid in my bed and they called

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my dad.
And my dad came home from work

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early and he came in and talked
to me and asked me what

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happened.
So I told him and this is new

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for me because my dad would
usually just lash out and.

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Beat your ass.
Bank me or beat me or whatever

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the term was back then and.
Right.

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So he didn't, he would just be a
father back then, because you

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could be a father without any
repercussions as long as you

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didn't.
Well, no limit, right?

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I would say he was a little bit
further than a father.

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It stemmed up abuse so.
Well, that's what, yeah.

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OK, good.
That's why I wanted to go with

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that.
So, OK, so he crossed that line.

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So he took it too far.
Me, it was a little, I'm the

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youngest of 5 S With me.
He was a little less than the

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rest, OK.
And by then he was kind of

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relinquishing control.
OK, so I'm laying, he leaves.

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I'm laying in bed terrified
because I'm going to get an ass

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whipper, right?
And so he comes back later and

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goes, what are you doing?
And I'm like, well, aren't I in

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trouble?
And he goes, it was an accident,

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right?
And I'm like, yeah, so and that

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was the end of it.
So I went to work.

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That's cool.
So I worked for the rest of what

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the semester is, and I'm sure in
the States and other countries

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they have different terms in
school.

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And so the school decided to
take me from grade 6, partly

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grade like just that smidge of
grade 7 in the special Ed.

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Well, at Christmas time I was in
grade 9.

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Oh wow.
In a special school where there

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was only 12 students, here I am
13 years old in grade 9.

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Right.
I the closest person of my age

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was 16.
Then there was a 17 year old and

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18 year old.
I think there was only 13 of us.

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OK, question.
So from from a from a

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development standpoint, are you
the same height as these kids?

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No, I'm smaller.
OK, you're smaller, small,

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chronic kid or what?
No, I was fairly chunky, OK.

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But significant but significant
height difference.

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And then obviously the
intellectual part was off a

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couple years.
OK.

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Yeah, absolutely.
And I think we're all street

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smart because they've been doing
what I've been doing for another

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six years or three years, right?
OK, OK.

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So I was there for that semester
and then the following year they

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put me in regular high school in
the shit disturber school in

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grade 10.
Wow.

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Wow.
So that's crazy.

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I know.
So how do you fit in?

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You don't.
And how do you learn how to make

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friends?
And you don't and don't.

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Yeah.
I was picked on severely that

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first year in grade 10.
And I remember there was this

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guy, Phil Henry.
He was the key tormentor.

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Well, it's funny how you
remember the the bullies, right?

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Oh yeah, and now do we know what
Phil's doing now?

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No, no clue.
I have no action with really

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anybody in the past anymore.
My wife has, my wife had one

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that used to always kind of like
looks down on her and shit and

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then so she found her on
Facebook and this chick legit

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looks like a horse now and it's
just just really hit every

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00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,720
branch down the ugly tree in her
life just kind of seem to be all

227
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,880
chaotic.
Where isn't karma great?

228
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,840
It's just fucking fantastic.
You know, it's like she used to

229
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,240
just tease the hell out of my
wife and know my wife's like 10

230
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,560
times more, probably 100 times
more beautiful than this chick

231
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,520
ever will be or was.
And it's more successful.

232
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,040
Yeah.
It's just, it's it's that's

233
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,840
that's why I ask because you
always, you always want to know,

234
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,360
like did you, you know, randomly
just.

235
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,360
Oh yeah, I ran into him and
he's, you know, he's working in

236
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,320
an Ace Hardware shoveling, you
know, screams and shit.

237
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,960
Well, I spent, I did spend a lot
of my life being a bully.

238
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,160
OK, well that's because you were
bullied, right?

239
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,800
That's the whole.
Thing I didn't know any better.

240
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:51,760
Yeah, yeah.
And.

241
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,920
I did what I was taught so.
That's it.

242
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,880
You emulate your environment,
right?

243
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,760
Fast forward a little bit, like
I bounced around from schools at

244
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,480
15.
My older brother used to beat me

245
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,520
a lot and I'll get into that a
little later.

246
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:09,360
How much older?
He's five years older than me.

247
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,200
Is that your only?
Is that your only brother?

248
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,640
My only sibling.
No, I got three other brothers

249
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,360
or yeah, 3 three brothers and
one sister.

250
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,240
So five of us all together.
And where do you fall on that in

251
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,160
the?
I'm the baby.

252
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,560
Oh wow, you got sorry I'm the.
Youngest, sorry.

253
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:33,480
Four older siblings I was.
Voted in my family, the most

254
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,480
likely to spend the rest of my
life in prison.

255
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,000
Oh no.
No.

256
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:43,040
Anyways, at 15 the brother that
beat me I'm having a party at

257
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:47,240
the house and my sister comes
over and threatens to call the

258
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,000
cops if the underage people
don't stop drinking in the

259
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,520
house.
Well I lost my shit.

260
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:55,360
Me and my brother get into a
fight and OK like a fist fight

261
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,240
brought out and.
He's like a fist, like a fist

262
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,680
fight, drop down.
Barney is a fist fight and then

263
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,880
wound to weapons.
OK, why?

264
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,360
He was like, this guy has never
beaten me again and that's cool.

265
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,880
So I ended up in juvie hall.
So I'm the first kid he's ever

266
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:13,320
kicked me out of the house.
Now I'm in juvie hall for

267
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,920
getting even right and my brain
still can't function.

268
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,840
It's still.
I know I went overboard but it

269
00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,040
still can't.
You're not, you're not

270
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,320
rationalizing the fact that you
went overboard, like your brain

271
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,960
recognize the fact that, OK, I
went too far, even though you

272
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,320
know, you went too far.
Yeah, you didn't realize you

273
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,040
went too far, so there was no
empathy afterwards.

274
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,160
Yeah, even today I still have a
hard time with it because it's

275
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,280
like and then.
This and this is all stemming

276
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,640
back to your the trauma you've
experienced when you were 7.

277
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,880
Yep.
Yeah, that's crazy, man.

278
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,200
And, well, there's a bit more
than the trauma, because, I

279
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,200
mean, trauma is even a new thing
too.

280
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:54,800
Sure.
I mean, it's not a new thing,

281
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:58,120
but they're actually.
People pay attention to it now,

282
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,880
right?
Where before they didn't.

283
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,680
Right.
So as we go forward, I'm a drunk

284
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:08,080
like it.
And then when I mean a drunk, I

285
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,360
would the guy at the party that
you might have seen that sat in

286
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,800
the corner with one guy on beer
cases and shared dope and shared

287
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:22,080
booze and just got yeah, yeah.
And then I found acid.

288
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:26,800
So you could actually do more,
because of course more is always

289
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,320
better.
Oh yeah, Mr. Brownstone, I got

290
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,680
to do a little condended little
and a little ACMO.

291
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:32,640
Wow.
Yeah.

292
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:37,440
So at 15, at 15, I was court
ordered to go to a A and of

293
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,120
course I went to one meeting and
went because yeah.

294
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,880
Because court ordering to a A
works every single time of.

295
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,880
Course it does.
Especially at 15 when you go

296
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:51,640
there and the first meeting you
go to, it's a father speaking

297
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,200
like a pastor, father of
Britain.

298
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,480
It's like, Oh yeah, that's you
want to send me to church?

299
00:15:56,520 --> 00:16:01,560
Nope.
Well, by the time I was 17, I

300
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,720
was in for the first time for
myself.

301
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,920
OK.
Didn't I stuck around for about

302
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,920
3 months at 21?
Oh actually I'll backtrack.

303
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,880
Just after that little stint, I
ended up in jail for the first

304
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,320
time for Robin, 11.
So how long are you and juvie

305
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,120
for?
On juvie I was in and out within

306
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,040
a month or so.
OK.

307
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,640
So that was in year 15.
Yeah.

308
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:28,200
And I lived in a group home for
a bit and then after I got sick,

309
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,960
like I told you, I did what I
wanted then, right, Right when I

310
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,400
got tired of the group home.
Actually, I shouldn't say when I

311
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:39,360
got tired of the group home.
When weed caught up with me

312
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,920
again, I knew I couldn't drink,
but I could smoke weed, right?

313
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,920
When you finally caught up with
me, I told the group home to jam

314
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,720
it because I was at legal age by
then.

315
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,640
I was 16.
I could do what I wanted.

316
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:51,440
So in Canada, the legal age of
16.

317
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,000
Yes.
I don't know about today, but

318
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,120
back then it was.
Yeah.

319
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,640
See, in America it's 18's legal
age.

320
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,160
It's always been legal age.
Now as far as.

321
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,640
Drinking what goes Not to drink,
not to drink.

322
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:01,240
Right.
No, I know.

323
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,240
Decision where you're living.
Right, right.

324
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,119
Listen, I'm saying in America
it's 18.

325
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:08,839
You're legally an adult, not 16.
So there's that gap, 2 year gap

326
00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:11,680
there, right?
That's why I asked that because

327
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:15,000
again, you know, we're 16, but
OK, gotcha.

328
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,960
So then I ended up back at home,
OK, and back to normal.

329
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:25,359
And then by then I was drinking
and we all know where that goes

330
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,640
when you're like.
And that was my drug of choice

331
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,320
was booze.
OK.

332
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,680
So beer, just beer or hard
liquor, everything.

333
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,240
You put it in front of me, I
drink it.

334
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,480
I remember I went over to a
friend's house one night.

335
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,280
I was hammered when I got there,
and she had this stuff she had

336
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,400
made-up.
OK.

337
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:42,960
I don't even know what it was,
but yeah.

338
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,600
And I loved it.
So I went back over one time and

339
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,400
I'm like, you made that stuff
again.

340
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,600
So she told me what to get.
I got it and it was like, Oh my

341
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:55,520
God, this stuff's gross.
Kind of like a jungle juice.

342
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,080
No, it was.
It might have been called a

343
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,520
Black Russian because it was
black and she had it on the

344
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,200
stove and he drank it warm.
I'm not weird.

345
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,800
I don't really remember.
It was a long time.

346
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,120
It was just tasty.
Yeah, yeah.

347
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:15,280
So 19 I ended up in prison for
robbing a 711.

348
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,680
OK, so back up.
Tell let's, let's, let's what?

349
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,720
What got you the point of
robbing a 711?

350
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:23,840
Desperate, out of work, nowhere
to really live.

351
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,960
OK, I wasn't quite on the
street.

352
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,280
I was My parents had split up.
My mom wasn't living in downtown

353
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,440
Hamilton and I was staying at
her place.

354
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,000
OK.
We've always had a volatile

355
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:38,840
relationship and.
So even your even even the

356
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,040
relationship with your mom was
fractured like it was your dad.

357
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:43,720
Oh yeah, no, my dad's.
No, we weren't.

358
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,240
It was never really fractured.
For some reason I could accept

359
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,080
the violence.
From him, OK.

360
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:54,560
It kind of stopped from, I think
it was grade 10.

361
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:59,280
I got drunk in school and I got
caught for drinking and he

362
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,640
showed up and he backhanded me
and I think that was the last

363
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,880
time he hit me.
OK.

364
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,600
Yeah, he backhanded me and I
told.

365
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:11,400
Him to fuck off yeah OK so fuck
off I walked the.

366
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,600
Other.
Direction so so pain is a

367
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,080
picture of your dad and and so a
big man short man, you know

368
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,400
what?
He's a bit taller than me.

369
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,240
I'd say he's probably was 6
foot.

370
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:29,200
He was a guy that his he had a,
he had short legs and longer

371
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,760
arms.
So he was kind of, he had a good

372
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,240
reach when he back.
And how tall are you?

373
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,160
Just 5-9.
OK, OK.

374
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:44,080
He worked in a welding shop, so
he worked hard all his life and

375
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,800
OK, he came from a rough
background, like growing up.

376
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,280
Gotcha.
OK, so you're 19, your world's

377
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,320
kind of just there chaotic.
You're you're an alcoholic,

378
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,320
you're kind of bouncing around
and you decide it's a good idea

379
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:02,120
to go rob a 711.
Yeah, so I added reasonable.

380
00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,080
I keep based on my motorcycle
and of course.

381
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:11,200
When I got in Ontario, they I
think it's the toughest province

382
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,320
for jail sentences.
They gave me that like a deuce

383
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:18,800
less and that provincial here
where you got federal and

384
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,280
provincial, I'm not sure what
it's like in the states.

385
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,200
We kind of know we had it
because we've had a couple.

386
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,520
Canadians like before, Yeah.
Yeah.

387
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:32,080
So I did most of that and then I
got paroled at, I think I was

388
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:38,120
inside for 13 months and I got
paroled and.

389
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,880
What was president like in
Canada?

390
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,960
Yeah.
What was president like in

391
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,360
Canada?
You got to paint.

392
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:44,560
You got to paint the picture,
Scott.

393
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,760
That's why you're here, man.
You leave us hanging.

394
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:52,040
Stop leaving us hanging.
Man, at first it was really

395
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,160
scary.
Yeah.

396
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:59,040
And then of course, after you
adapt and the new habit becomes,

397
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,080
it's not really scary.
It's like habits even today.

398
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,280
They're all messy at the
beginning, and by the end

399
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,120
they're normal.
So was anybody, anybody try to

400
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,920
intimidate your stuff, being
that you were what, 19 years old

401
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,840
or were you?
Not so much there because it was

402
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,440
pretty, it was medium security,
it wasn't maximum.

403
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:24,320
I got into a few fights and.
Did you go find the biggest guy

404
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,280
and try to beat him up?
So you said everybody would

405
00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,200
leave with so everybody would
leave you alone?

406
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:33,040
No, no.
But I will backtrack to the Phil

407
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,240
Henry because I kind of got off
track with him.

408
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,240
Right, right squirrel.
We're in a Body Shop in school

409
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,280
because it was a trade school
and yeah, yeah, my, I'm working

410
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,840
on a door and I put it on the
bench.

411
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,160
He comes over and takes my door
off the bench and puts his door

412
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,320
on the bench because of course
he's my bully, right?

413
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,560
Right.
So I take his door off the bench

414
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,840
and put mine back up because I'm
done with this bullshit.

415
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,320
Yeah, we end up in a fight in
auto body.

416
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,280
Yeah.
The first thing he does because

417
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,320
I'm winning is he sticks a
finger in my eye.

418
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,160
So it's like, oh, you want to
stick your finger in my eye?

419
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,160
So I jam mine it.
Like don't even, not even gently

420
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:15,520
jam it.
So anyways, after that, of

421
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,280
course it gets broke up because
we're and.

422
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,720
Then is it your fault you get
blamed again?

423
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,080
Nope, no I didn't get you're
just.

424
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,880
I mean I did get blamed a lot
for fights because I fought and

425
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,880
I'm sure I can't remember his
name.

426
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,760
The auto body teacher was a
pretty cool dude.

427
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:36,080
Right.
On SO anyways, for the next

428
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,440
week, Phil's going you're dead,
Berly, you're dead.

429
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,360
And of course I got this fear in
me because he's bullied me and I

430
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,960
haven't.
Then all of a sudden Monday I'm

431
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:48,480
in the cafeteria, I think it was
Friday and there's Thursday and

432
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:53,040
I'm dead on Friday, right?
And he's got his tray of food on

433
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,920
him and I'm just walking over
and he's being mouthy and I

434
00:22:55,920 --> 00:23:00,680
walked over to him and I just I
# the tray out of his hands and

435
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,600
go.
If I'm dead on Friday, let's do

436
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:06,360
it right now, you coward.
Nice or?

437
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,320
Whatever I said.
So we ended up in a fight.

438
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,760
But what happened is all the
friends are his right?

439
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,280
I got I'm the youngest, he's
grown up with these guys.

440
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:18,080
So we end up wrestling around
outside and all of a sudden his

441
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:22,680
friends are stepping on my feet.
So I can't do what I needed to

442
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,920
do.
But I still he never bothered me

443
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:26,120
after.
That is the point.

444
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,520
That's good.
And I learned a valuable lesson.

445
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,000
It's like nobody's going to fuck
with me again.

446
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,760
And that's how I lived my life
and.

447
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,600
That's the that's the truth.
If nobody's going to fuck with

448
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:38,640
you.
Yeah.

449
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,400
You have no freedom.
Right, And and that's one thing

450
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,880
that that I think I I wasn't
super bully.

451
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,600
There was a couple moments I
went like, but nothing to your

452
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,400
extreme.
I don't know about Mike, but I

453
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,480
think that.
Oh yeah.

454
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:53,040
I think on a whole, I think on a
whole, once you stand up to the

455
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,480
bully and and they realize that
you're not going to be their

456
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,840
little pawn anymore, that's that
shift in life, right?

457
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,480
Because now you got that
ownership of it.

458
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:02,920
You got a little more
self-confidence because you

459
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,840
stood up somebody that was
fucking with you for so long.

460
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,560
I did the opposite of what you
said.

461
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,760
Obviously I was never in prison,
but I always made friends with

462
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,680
the biggest guys I could find.
And if you're friends with the

463
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,320
biggest guy, nobody in between
is going to mess with you,

464
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:20,280
right?
Oh, that's a good idea.

465
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,800
Like, hey, that dude's my, I
know I can't kick your ass, but

466
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:27,920
he can.
And he's rather fond of me, you

467
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,160
know?
That's how I dealt with shit in

468
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,600
life.
That's fantastic.

469
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,960
I don't know how old I was but I
remember this guy was bullying

470
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,600
me and my brother.
My family would do nothing to

471
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:42,400
protect you.
And my buddy Lenny's brother

472
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:47,160
seen this guy bully me and
already stops it and actually

473
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:51,280
let me told the guy to stand
there while I punched him in the

474
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:56,280
face a few times.
And I remember thinking, yeah,

475
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,920
somebody's protecting me because
I didn't get that other than

476
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,280
from him.
So yeah.

477
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,200
So Fast forward to jail.
Yeah, I got into a few fights

478
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:13,400
and it wasn't very traumatic.
And by the time I ended up back

479
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:18,720
again the second time, right
when I was getting ready to

480
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,160
leave, you kind of acquire stuff
in jail that makes you stay a

481
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,320
little bit comfortable.
OK.

482
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:30,000
Like, and this is the intimidity
of my thinking, I'm actually

483
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,440
looking at spots there that I
can stash all my stuff.

484
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,560
OK.
So when I go back, I'll have all

485
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,600
my stuff ready to go.
All I got to do is get it.

486
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:48,080
Yeah.
So previous to this though, I'd

487
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,280
been working before I went in.
The second time I'd been working

488
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:55,320
for these family, they were kind
of the top of the food chain of

489
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,400
the drug, drug, drug people in
Hamilton, ON.

490
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:04,400
And I won't mention any names,
but I was just framing houses

491
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,160
for him and I end up in with the
oldest brother.

492
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:15,000
So he was really experienced in
prison and he had brought in

493
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:19,160
lots of goodies for us to kind
of spread out and make some

494
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,400
money on and.
Like what kind of goodies?

495
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:25,320
What kind of drugs?
Just smokeables like pie and a

496
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:26,800
few pills and stuff.
OK, Nothing.

497
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:32,440
OK.
And he just before he got out,

498
00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,600
he got out before me.
He's like Scotty, I want you to

499
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,880
call me when you get out and
come work for me.

500
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:38,800
And I'm like, well, I was
working for you before I came

501
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:40,240
in.
He goes, no, no work for me.

502
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:46,680
Not doing that flunky stuff.
And this lady, I was going to a

503
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,280
meetings to look good so I could
get out easier.

504
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,120
And.
Right, this lady I'd remembered

505
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,280
from one of my stints in AAI
remembered her.

506
00:26:56,280 --> 00:27:02,440
She was batshit crazy.
And she came in to put a meeting

507
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,840
on.
And all of a sudden she's like

508
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,200
in a a meeting.
And this lady's not bat shit

509
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,560
crazy anymore.
She making sense.

510
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:19,160
Yeah.
And whatever she did or whatever

511
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,960
she said, I don't know what it
was, but it inspired that maybe

512
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,760
there's a chance for different
for me.

513
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,360
OK.
And how old were you when this

514
00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:29,160
happened?
I was 19 ish.

515
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,640
OK, and this is and This is why
you're in prison still?

516
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:33,880
Yeah, well, for formatory, it's
in Ontario.

517
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,080
OK, OK, OK.
Not existence anymore.

518
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:41,000
But so when I got out, she was
from Hamilton too.

519
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,080
So when I got out, I'm in
Hamilton and I started going to

520
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:49,800
meetings and OK, you know, but
there was things I didn't know.

521
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:51,400
Like I didn't know you weren't
supposed to sell dope.

522
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,360
Nobody.
Nobody told me that was illegal.

523
00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:59,720
Told me that I missed that memo.
Well, that happened life up to

524
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,280
that point.
So here I am.

525
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,640
That's the greatest light ever.
Nobody told me.

526
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,760
I'm framing houses for my buddy,
and he wanted me to be his

527
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,680
foreman.
And I go to him more like if I'm

528
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,360
going to be your foreman, I got
to have a car.

529
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:14,240
Yeah.
Yeah.

530
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,560
So he bought me a car, but he
wouldn't put insurance on it.

531
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,800
So I went and stole a license
plate so I could drive.

532
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,840
So here I am on parole, selling
dope.

533
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,640
And it gets funnier.
There was a meeting in Buffalo,

534
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,840
NY in a, a meeting.
He's on the reserve.

535
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:35,560
And it was a wicked meeting and
I'm taking car loads of people

536
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:39,400
in this car with no insurance
from Hamilton, ON to Buffalo,

537
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,880
NY.
It was probably an hour drive,

538
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,360
OK.
Going to a a mind you listener.

539
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,600
So he's he's, he's doing a
positive thing in his life in a,

540
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:52,200
in a very creative, illegal way.
Baby stuff, baby stuff.

541
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,400
I don't.
I didn't.

542
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,320
Grow up with.
I just did what I wanted.

543
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:01,400
So anyways, Long story short, I
got drunk again.

544
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,760
Yeah, yeah, a couple months into
this.

545
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,040
Maybe three months.
As long as it wasn't when you

546
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,440
were driving to a a meeting
crossing, you know, borders,

547
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:09,800
that's a.
Good.

548
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,320
No, no, no, no.
OK, just going.

549
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,480
To clarify.
So I got drunk again, just one

550
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,840
day, and sheree, this girl that
I'd met, that she was really

551
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:21,920
cute, but she was quite a bit
older than me.

552
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:26,480
And I was at a level of
backtrack before I got drunk.

553
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:31,520
This is where my brain was.
It's like I was dropping her and

554
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,960
a friend of mine, Marlene, off
at Sheree's apartment in the car

555
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:39,880
with no insurance and no plates.
And, and Sheree goes, you want

556
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,680
to come up for a tea?
And I remember thinking, you

557
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:46,800
want somebody as ugly as me to
come up for coffee?

558
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,680
Here's this cute girl, right?
Like my brain was OK.

559
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:56,080
So anyways, I'll Fast forward to
the day of getting drunk.

560
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:58,880
Well, Sheree was out on a bend
or two, OK.

561
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:03,880
And so I ended up over at her
house later and we were drinking

562
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:07,840
together.
And here's a girl that, and

563
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,160
don't get me wrong, I'm not
putting her down, but she was

564
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,880
just a street girl.
Like she did what you do on the

565
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:16,480
street, women do on the street.
Like she sold her.

566
00:30:16,480 --> 00:30:18,320
Life she was in, she was in
survival mode.

567
00:30:18,560 --> 00:30:21,440
Yeah, OK, survival mode and
yeah, yeah, yeah.

568
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:24,920
We've had we had a guy on, we
had a guy on that that has kind

569
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,120
of a similar story and and he
actually evolved into being a

570
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:32,320
male escort for a while.
So yeah, it's believe me, we've

571
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,040
heard the stories, man.
We understand, right.

572
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:35,840
Yeah, Mike and I are both again
they.

573
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:36,800
Covered.
Yeah, because she was.

574
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,000
No, no, no, no, she was a great
lady.

575
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,800
So anyways, yeah, it's just
we're just call us so she can do

576
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,720
her thing.
And so I leave and I'm going to

577
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,080
my buddy Lenny's house in
Burlington.

578
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,000
Well, I get pulled over for an
apparent.

579
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,280
OK.
And you got to remember, I'm on

580
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,520
parole again still, right?
So this is this is now an error

581
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,280
in America.
If you get pulled over on

582
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,360
parole, you're just you're
smacked up going back to jail.

583
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,040
Well.
I was supposed to be.

584
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,240
Somehow the system didn't line
up and I think it was all the

585
00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,680
computer system wasn't as good
as it is today.

586
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,200
Technicality, yeah.
Yeah, so they let me out.

587
00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:12,560
OK.
I take a cab back to Cherie's

588
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,960
house and she's got a John
there, which is a guy paying.

589
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:17,040
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Got it.

590
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:24,320
So I make him pay for the calf,
and then she goes.

591
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,040
Scott, you got to go, though.
So I leave and I go back to my

592
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,560
mom's house where I was staying,
and next thing I know, my

593
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,560
sponsor's kicking me off.
And a sponsor in a A is somebody

594
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,000
that kind of helps you along,
right?

595
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,200
Yeah.
And guides you.

596
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:39,280
Yep.
Understood.

597
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:43,040
Oh, I wake up to him kicking me
on the kitchen floor and

598
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,080
dragging me up and throwing me
in the shower.

599
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:46,600
Nice.
That's a good sponsor.

600
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,120
Yep, and.
Then I come out of the shower

601
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,400
and go to bed and he's like
soaking wet in my clothes still.

602
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,920
And he drags me back and throws
me in the shower.

603
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,240
And he wouldn't let me go to
sleep and drags me to the noon

604
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,520
meeting and then drags me to a
night meeting.

605
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:05,080
And I remember even the night
meeting I was, I spent most of

606
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,920
it in the bathroom throwing up.
And really, I think I had

607
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:13,680
alcohol poisoning.
So we end up at the coffee shop

608
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:18,080
later where everybody goes.
Post meeting, yeah.

609
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,520
Cherie had OD that night.
That's too bad.

610
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,560
Sorry with.
This first experience of death

611
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,840
around the program.
Oh, so she died.

612
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:28,840
Oh, died.
Yeah.

613
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:29,680
Oh, died.
Oh, yeah.

614
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,320
Because.
Because we know people can OD

615
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,480
without dying.
So she actually just died.

616
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:34,880
Yeah.
That sucks.

617
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:39,240
I'm sorry.
And it was pretty traumatic back

618
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:44,680
then and my determination to
stay clean and sober.

619
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:49,480
And I was going to work and I
would decide I'm getting drunk

620
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:54,200
and I would come home from work.
And my friend Derek or Warren,

621
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:59,080
one of them were on the steps of
my house where my mom at my

622
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,200
mom's house or still running on
the couch waiting for me to come

623
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,240
home from work.
Or I'd come home from work and

624
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:06,680
get in the shower and it's like
I'm getting drunk tonight.

625
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,640
And I would go downstairs and
one of them would be on the

626
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:10,560
couch.
You do a meeting it.

627
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,720
We were all about the same and
same recovery time.

628
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,520
And so I managed to get a year
in.

629
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,000
And then my older brother that
I'd worked for in the past, he

630
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,000
ran a framing business.
He lived in British Columbia and

631
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:26,880
one that beat me and.
Yeah, yeah.

632
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:32,000
I was going to ask that.
And he asked me if I wanted to

633
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,360
come to work for him in BC.
So I kind of dropped everything.

634
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:38,360
And because I was working in a
grocery store, playing with

635
00:33:38,360 --> 00:33:40,960
fruits and vegetables, making
minimum wage.

636
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,960
Right.
And you know, looking back at

637
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:45,840
it, it was one of the best jobs
I had ever had.

638
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,200
I wish I had a stayed in that
industry because the people like

639
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,160
the people are more positive
than on a construction site.

640
00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,000
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, most.

641
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,480
Definitely, and I believe you're
a lot about what your

642
00:33:58,480 --> 00:33:59,920
environment is today.
Agreed.

643
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,560
Yep.
So I get into the working for my

644
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,720
brother again.
Of course I'm still angry and

645
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:11,239
the working for him is toxic
like it's always been like our

646
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:14,480
relationship and it only lasted
a short time and.

647
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,960
So he never changed.
No, and I hadn't changed much

648
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,120
either.
I hadn't done the steps.

649
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,639
They didn't push the steps back
then like they do today.

650
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:26,239
Yeah, see, when I when I when I,
when I, yeah, when I went, they

651
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:27,719
had the steps and stuff on the
wall.

652
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:29,320
I wasn't.
I never read the book.

653
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:31,360
Like, you know, everybody really
got to read the book, read the

654
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:33,600
book.
And I just, and you, you've just

655
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,840
met us, but I've, I've preached
every time we've talked about my

656
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,840
sobriety, as, you know, God
didn't make me drink.

657
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:41,480
So God didn't make me stop.
And, and everybody in my a, a

658
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:44,360
meeting at some way when they
would introduce themselves, you

659
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,560
know, Hey, I'm Scott, by the
grace of God, I've been sober

660
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,800
for, you know, 10 years and I
just kind of like, well, you

661
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:52,120
know, and I believe, you know,
and everybody has their own

662
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:56,120
version of higher power and
stuff, but I just never was the

663
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:59,920
mindset of I, I'm the one that
made myself drink.

664
00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:01,720
So I'm the one that needs to
make myself stop.

665
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:03,840
Yeah.
Do they really believe that or

666
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,480
are they just saying those
words?

667
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,560
You, you and I can't be people
who just say words, right?

668
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,360
They have.
We have to mean what we say.

669
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,240
Exactly.
I struggled with that for years,

670
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:20,480
for years and decades.
So but when I by now I've got a

671
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,040
little bit of self esteem, I
think, and I'm not even sure if

672
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,720
it was self esteem now or if it
was just growing up.

673
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:36,800
So I'm in Maple Ridge, BC and I,
I'm at this one way club.

674
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,200
It's kind of like an Orlando
club.

675
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,400
It's a sober club.
And OK, there's this girl

676
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,440
working behind the counter and
she's freaking smoking.

677
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:48,640
Oh yeah.
So for the first time in my

678
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,200
life, I decide I want her.
OK.

679
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,360
And of course, she's the sickest
one in the room.

680
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:59,920
But so by the time we were
together, maybe three or four

681
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:03,080
months, and by the time it split
up, I was devastated when it

682
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:06,440
split up because it was so good.
And the 6th grade and yadda,

683
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:11,160
yadda, yadda.
And so I got drunk for a day

684
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:15,160
after a year and a half sober,
and ended up in a recovery

685
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,480
house, which was insane.
Like I look back at it and it's

686
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,920
like I didn't really belong
there.

687
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,600
I don't function well in that
kind of environment.

688
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:29,160
I don't think anybody does, man.
No, I mean, I believe a good

689
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,320
safe house, but I think people
need to kind of have a leash a

690
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:36,560
little bit so they can screw up
or excel or.

691
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,680
You need to have a little bit of
a boundary, a little bit of a

692
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:40,440
structure for it to be
successful.

693
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:46,000
Absolutely.
So I managed to get 2 1/2 years

694
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:47,480
clean after that.
OK.

695
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,520
Before I got loaded and once
again it was at the end of a

696
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:51,680
relationship.
Right.

697
00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:53,840
So now you've been sober and
clean three times.

698
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,680
Yes, OK.
So you're so typical, typical

699
00:36:57,680 --> 00:36:59,760
alcoholic.
Yeah, Yeah.

700
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:06,280
So this time I, instead of just
going right back, it's like,

701
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:07,920
fuck, I'm taking this to the
end.

702
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:15,200
And in that journey, there was
another couple that were out on

703
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:19,080
a Bender and of course, I ended
up sleeping with her.

704
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:24,040
And the buddy catches me and
some, I don't remember really

705
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,280
much of it, but I remember when
they caught us.

706
00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:29,440
I went to a friend.
I only hit him four times.

707
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,640
And my buddy's like what you
were doing.

708
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,360
Nice masses on his face on the
concrete.

709
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:38,160
Oh no.
Like I busted him bad.

710
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,120
So anyways.
And this was a friend.

711
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:46,600
Apparently I don't remember any
of it, but like I remember this

712
00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:49,640
well, the reason that he
backhanded her.

713
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,920
OK.
Me off.

714
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:57,960
Yeah, OK.
So I got clean and sober again,

715
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:02,440
OK and. 4th time. 4th time I get
6 half years yet.

716
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,560
Oh, that's, yeah, you're making
progress.

717
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,640
Yeah, you make.
Every time you do it, you're

718
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:08,560
making progress.
So like was one half, two or

719
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:09,320
half?
Yeah.

720
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,280
Good, good.
So and once again at the end of

721
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:13,560
a relationship.
Yeah.

722
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:16,400
Got loaded.
No.

723
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:17,480
OK, go.
Ahead.

724
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,840
OK, go ahead.
No, I was, I was going to ask

725
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,640
about your you had mentioned you
were divorced, but I I'm sure

726
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:23,880
you'll.
Bring it up later, I haven't got

727
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,040
to her yet.
Baby steps.

728
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:32,400
I have no track record with
women at all, apparently, until

729
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:37,040
they'd be like 2 years was Max.
OK.

730
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:40,160
And I feel like 6 1/2 years
clean.

731
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,760
I got loaded and I stayed out
for a bit and I just, it was

732
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,640
smoking weed and that's all it
was.

733
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,120
Yeah.
And but I couldn't go back to

734
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,760
meetings.
So I went a year and a bit

735
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:55,360
without going to meetings.
OK.

736
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:58,320
And then I fell off some
scaffolding at work and the girl

737
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,960
I was dating drank a little bit
and smoked some weed.

738
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,960
And so you know where this
story's going.

739
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:05,960
Yeah, you went back to.
Smoking pain.

740
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:09,760
And I'm standing there, she's
smoking dope with her 18 year

741
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,440
old daughter.
And today, in today's world is

742
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,480
kind of acceptable.
But back then it was kind.

743
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,200
Of yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I was like, oh, that'll fix

744
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,000
the pain up running again,
right?

745
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:23,680
But it fixed it.
But it did fix the pain.

746
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:27,280
Oh, it did 100% absolutely right
in a way.

747
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,040
And this was what year?
What year was this?

748
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:38,880
Well, it would have been 24
years ago.

749
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,800
OK.
So 2020 or 2000, 2002.

750
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,280
Yeah, 2000 ish Somewhere in
there.

751
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,760
Yeah, yeah, 'cause Mike and I,
we're, we're, we're big

752
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:51,320
proponents on how the, the, the
use of marijuana nowadays

753
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,400
because of all the things that's
good for depression and anxiety

754
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:55,880
and pain and all that kind of
jazz.

755
00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:58,280
But back then, like, oh, taboo,
taboo, taboo.

756
00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,600
Which is why I asked the
question.

757
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,240
It did take the pain away.
Yeah, the only people that knew

758
00:40:02,240 --> 00:40:04,480
that it worked back then were.
The however though for.

759
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,080
Me, right.
Only the people.

760
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:07,200
Yeah.
Only people that used it.

761
00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:07,960
What Mike said.
Yeah, yeah.

762
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:14,360
Well, no, for me smoking it.
You know what that goes to in my

763
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,920
brain?
Yeehaw, let's fucking party.

764
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:20,680
Because his brain.
Broke brain goes.

765
00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:22,040
Right, because your brain's
broken.

766
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:24,960
Yeah, well, no, my brain's not
broken.

767
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:26,880
I disagree with that statement
today.

768
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:30,440
I used to think I was broken for
years, just misaligned.

769
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:31,960
And it's.
Like, oh, that's a better way to

770
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,560
look at it, OK.
Because I think if we keep

771
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,800
telling ourselves negative
stuff, we're only believing

772
00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,400
negativity and we're only going
to go down that rabbit hole.

773
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:41,680
I agree with you, Yeah, I don't
mean broken the.

774
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:44,440
Years going down the negativity
of rabbit hole.

775
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:52,520
Yeah.
So Fast forward a year or no, I

776
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,320
get loaded after being a years
clean again.

777
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,000
And I think it was about 3
months.

778
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,680
And within three months I went
from smoking that one joint to

779
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:08,760
smoke and 1/4 ounce a day.
And so then I, I go get my

780
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,120
haircut by this girl that's in
recovery and she's like, and

781
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:16,240
she, she, she's, it's, I watched
her walk in and she's six years

782
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:20,760
clean now, right?
And she's smoking hot too.

783
00:41:20,760 --> 00:41:25,480
But she goes, how's it going?
I'm like, yeah, she goes, well,

784
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:27,840
maybe you should get a sponsee.
And I start laughing and I'm

785
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,120
like, maybe I should get some
clean time first.

786
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,720
Well, of course she's cute and
smoking hot.

787
00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:34,600
She's talking to going to a
meeting that night.

788
00:41:34,600 --> 00:41:38,200
Sure.
So I went to the meeting and I

789
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,280
decided I was going to try and
stay clean again.

790
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:44,600
This is Narcotics Anonymous now,
and I'm going to stay clean.

791
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:49,880
And I made it a week and I had a
big yell and match with somebody

792
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,520
on the phone and I hadn't
cleaned the paraphernalia out.

793
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:59,720
I had a pipe sitting on my desk.
And I get stoned and then I go

794
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:04,400
to the meeting and I see Leslie.
And I haven't seen her since the

795
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,080
night of the hair, like the
meeting after the haircut.

796
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:08,320
And she's.
Oh.

797
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:11,160
So how long you been clean now?
So I'm sarcastically look at my

798
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:17,160
watch and I went 45 minutes.
Aren't you embarrassed?

799
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,120
You should like.
And I'm like, no, because I

800
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,320
don't know if I want to be here
or don't want to be here.

801
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:28,200
Yeah, that was the last time I
used Wow 2003.

802
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,800
So what was what was the what
was the epiphany there?

803
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:37,960
Desperation.
OK Pitiful demoralization.

804
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,400
I had bought and lost my first
house and she kept it.

805
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:47,520
And right, everything, like I
had lost everything.

806
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:54,680
And so I went to meetings and
when I would ask to get Cher

807
00:42:54,720 --> 00:42:58,080
asked to share, I wouldn't go.
I don't even know what I'm doing

808
00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,760
or this shit just won't work for
me.

809
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:05,720
Yeah, I've been here, done that.
And I just kept coming.

810
00:43:05,720 --> 00:43:08,960
And the area I lived in had a
couple of recovery houses that

811
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,200
I've been through.
So I was already banished from

812
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,440
them, right?
And, and because if you don't do

813
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,240
it their way, Oh yeah, not
welcome.

814
00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:22,760
Yeah.
So I go to this ball tournament.

815
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:27,080
It's a clean and sober ball
tournament in Penticton, BC.

816
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:31,280
And I think I was a year and a
half clean, not really wanting

817
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:33,360
to be clean, really going to get
loaded.

818
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:36,840
And sure, fact that trip I did
make.

819
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:42,440
I went for a ride on the bike
and was going to get loaded and

820
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:48,040
somehow decided to go back to
the event and I drive up to my

821
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:51,240
buddy's big RV and there's this
hot chick there that works.

822
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:59,880
There is.
My suit to be wife and you know,

823
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:05,280
we spent 11 long years together
and at first it was fantastic

824
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:11,080
and from her trauma background
and my trauma background, we our

825
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:14,200
friends could set their calendar
Yep, they'll get along for these

826
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,920
three months and they'll be
fighting for these three months

827
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,600
and that's how pretty much our
relationship went and.

828
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:23,240
For the whole 11 years.
Pretty much.

829
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,640
Wow.
And even when we got married, it

830
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,560
was like, by the time we got
married, I knew we were making a

831
00:44:29,560 --> 00:44:33,360
mistake, but I still went
forward with it.

832
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:37,320
You know, we had bought a house
together with her mom and it

833
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,840
went S pretty fast with her mom,
her mom's boyfriend, because he

834
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:46,960
was a drinker.
And we ended up buying them out.

835
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:52,640
And my wife became, ironically
enough, she had was the

836
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:56,760
program's manager and the
Mission Federal Institution.

837
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:03,440
Wow.
So, you know, we kept attempting

838
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,960
to do all the right things and
we went to counselors and we

839
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:11,320
went to coaches and made a few
side trips.

840
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:13,920
Like I went to Mexico once for a
month and a half because I

841
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,320
didn't want to be in the
relationship anymore.

842
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:18,880
And.
But the but the whole time

843
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,320
you're not drinking, which is
good, which is good.

844
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:25,760
As we know from your story so
far, you like hot chicks and

845
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:28,000
when the relationship gets
fractured then you start

846
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:30,160
drinking.
So the fact that you haven't,

847
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:35,640
when it ends, yeah, I look back
and I had no multiple stability.

848
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:37,800
Right, right.
Whoever.

849
00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:43,000
When I first got clean again,
yeah, I had this sponsor and I

850
00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:47,120
started dating first day and
usually I would wait two years

851
00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:50,640
or a year and living in that
pain of the last relationship

852
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:54,480
before I would even step out.
Yeah, and a big thing with a, A

853
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:58,520
and a, I'm sure both are the
same, is your sponsors don't

854
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:01,200
want you in a relationship for
at least a year of being sober

855
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,280
and clean.
Which doesn't make sense.

856
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:06,400
Well, it doesn't, but think
about it, though, it does,

857
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:09,040
because every time your
relationships ended, you went

858
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:13,120
back to drinking, you relapsed.
So if you have a full solid year

859
00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:16,080
of sobriety underneath your
belt, which is now your mind's

860
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,760
clear your your thinking
property, you have new habits in

861
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:23,040
place right then.
But then you then you can

862
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:25,240
venture into that because you
should be strong enough and

863
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:26,920
grounded enough to pursue a
relationship.

864
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,400
However, though, when you've
done that cycle right or five

865
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:34,800
times, you need to work a
different like the same lock

866
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,960
doesn't open, or an old key
doesn't open up a new lock.

867
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,280
True.
SO and the friends that had

868
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,400
known me for years supported
what I was doing.

869
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:47,720
I started dating right away and
I made a decision.

870
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:51,640
Every lady that I dated I was
going to treat better and learn

871
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,000
from my previous.
Which, yeah, which is how you

872
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:57,280
should do it, I agree.
With that, so Fast forward with

873
00:46:57,280 --> 00:47:01,800
Shannon and it was pretty toxic
and it was actually at a point

874
00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,040
towards the end she was like, I
want a baby.

875
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:10,000
And we're seeing this counsellor
coach and daddy gets up to go to

876
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:18,280
the bathroom and the counsellor
goes, don't get her pregnant.

877
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:24,400
And I'm like, I'm not.
So eventually seeing this lady

878
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:29,160
Shannon brings up I want a
separation and I'm like by the

879
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:35,520
now we're both 11 years clean
and so I'm angry, been angry for

880
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:38,280
a long time and I'm like we'll
get the fuck out of my house

881
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,200
then.
Yeah.

882
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:45,000
And Shannon's like, and looks at
the coach or Diane and Dan's

883
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,520
like, well, you want the
relationship over, so yeah,

884
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:53,520
leave.
So Shannon leaves and the house,

885
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:57,960
we didn't really have much into
the houses and like value wise,

886
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,040
right?
So we couldn't sell it.

887
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:04,640
So I ended up with the house and
I'm a stone Mason and I've been

888
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,880
a stone Mason for years.
I ran my own business and

889
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:12,400
traffic was getting really bad.
So I decided to get out of it

890
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:16,800
and get a, get the Band-Aid
ticket like an EMR, emergency

891
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,280
medical responder and go to work
in the oil fields.

892
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:22,640
And that lasted for a little
while.

893
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:24,680
But of course, Scott showed up
right.

894
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,200
And when Scott shows up, chaos
shows up, right.

895
00:48:28,240 --> 00:48:31,960
And so I ended up coming back
and I get a phone call from a

896
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:35,360
buddy of mine and he's a
Teamster in the movie 155 movie

897
00:48:35,360 --> 00:48:39,600
division.
And I ended up in the movie

898
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:43,040
division and it was pretty cool.
I was making better money than

899
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,080
I've ever made.
Like one year I made freaking

900
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,520
$234,000.
Nice.

901
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,440
What?
I'm pretty much a high school

902
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:52,640
dropout.
I have my, yeah, grade 12.

903
00:48:52,640 --> 00:49:00,040
But so somewhere in there during
COVID, I had finally got myself

904
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,640
out of debt and I wasn't
struggling.

905
00:49:01,640 --> 00:49:05,120
And then COVID hit.
And by the time COVID was over,

906
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,400
actually, I'll backtrack A
smidge.

907
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:14,520
I'm in the movie business and I
decide I'm going to stretch my

908
00:49:14,520 --> 00:49:18,120
comfort zone and I want to go
to, it's called GF Strong.

909
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:21,560
It's a hospital in Vancouver.
It's they're back, back and

910
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:25,920
spine and head injury stuff.
Because now new stuff's coming

911
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,840
out about head injuries, right?
Right.

912
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:31,080
But I need a family doctor to
refer me.

913
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:35,640
So I get this family doctor and
I go to the family doctor and

914
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:38,120
the first thing he says is I
start every patient off with a

915
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:39,880
physical so I know where we
stand.

916
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:50,280
That makes sense.
So he calls me up and goes, you

917
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,480
need to come in.
I think you got prostate cancer.

918
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:55,120
Oh, Oh my.
God.

919
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,920
So I'm 50 years old out of a
relationship for a couple years

920
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:07,240
and I go see him and he does the
check and he goes and he refer

921
00:50:07,240 --> 00:50:11,440
you to a specialist and I go to
the specialist and she's a

922
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,080
female and it's like great, at
least she's got small fingers.

923
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:24,080
And so she does another test and
I go.

924
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,280
So what do you think?
And she goes well from looking

925
00:50:26,280 --> 00:50:29,800
at the results from your doctor,
I'm pretty sure you got cancer.

926
00:50:31,720 --> 00:50:36,120
So she does it next test and I'm
at work, it's a Friday night and

927
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:41,560
she calls me and she goes, Yep,
you got prostate cancer.

928
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:46,240
So within, I'm going to say
three months, I had the

929
00:50:46,240 --> 00:50:49,680
operation of a radical
prostatectomy where they cut the

930
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:51,640
prostate rate out.
Ouch.

931
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:59,240
And of course it affects every
fiber of your manhood.

932
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:04,640
I was wearing diapers and and of
course I'm in debt.

933
00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:09,160
So I got to go to work no matter
what and I'm angry and I'm.

934
00:51:09,160 --> 00:51:11,560
But still.
But still clean and sober.

935
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:14,240
Still clean and sober.
What year was this?

936
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:21,240
I was 50, I'm 57 now, so that
would be. 2018, yeah.

937
00:51:21,240 --> 00:51:27,240
Yeah, something like that.
So I'm still clean and sober and

938
00:51:27,240 --> 00:51:29,520
really I want to just kill
myself every day.

939
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:34,200
I could see that.
And I have no desire to live so

940
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:40,520
of course I'm toxic and every
show I was on I was toxic and

941
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:43,720
getting a really bad name and.
Now, what were you doing in the

942
00:51:43,720 --> 00:51:45,240
movie business?
What was your dig?

943
00:51:45,240 --> 00:51:47,800
Transportation.
I was driving big trucks.

944
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:54,320
I was looking after the * wagons
of worked with Charlize Thorns.

945
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,240
All the behind the scenes stuff
basically.

946
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:57,920
Yeah, all behind the scenes
stuff.

947
00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:00,840
It was pretty cool.
Good money.

948
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:03,600
It's a pretty toxic environment
because you got a whole bunch of

949
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,640
Neanderthals like me that have
basically a high school

950
00:52:06,640 --> 00:52:10,200
graduation and a truck driving
license.

951
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:13,040
And that's where they come from
is the driving world.

952
00:52:13,040 --> 00:52:16,040
And so everybody, you go from
the driving world and you're

953
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:20,280
making 200 grand a year,
everybody's cutthroat and rotten

954
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:24,160
on you.
And one day I'll go back to work

955
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:25,920
there.
But I want to make to get this

956
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:29,600
still a little bit more clearer
and less reactive than it is.

957
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:33,480
Sure.
So I'm dealing with the pissing

958
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:37,640
myself.
And two years into this, I

959
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:41,080
finally get to the point I call
the doctor and the I go, I need

960
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:44,800
to talk to the doctor.
And in Canada, when you're

961
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:50,440
referred to a specialist, all
they do is your call goes right

962
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:54,280
to an answering machine.
So I just kept calling back and

963
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,400
call him back and call him back
and call him back and call him

964
00:52:56,400 --> 00:52:58,120
back.
They finally answered the phone

965
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:02,400
and I said I wanted to talk to
the doctor and well, the doctor

966
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,360
doesn't do that.
And they hung up.

967
00:53:04,720 --> 00:53:07,800
So I called back, called back
and I just so I insisted on

968
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,480
talking to the doctor and I lost
it on the doctor about the

969
00:53:11,480 --> 00:53:15,720
condition because she told me I
might have some incontinence.

970
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:17,600
OK.
And for those people like me

971
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,120
that didn't really know what
incontinence was when she said

972
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:24,560
some incontinence, it's holding
your urine and or picking

973
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:26,080
yourself.
Yeah.

974
00:53:26,960 --> 00:53:31,040
So she goes, well if I had of
told you the truth, you wouldn't

975
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:36,240
have done the operation and it's
so now doctors are lying to me.

976
00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:39,680
Wow.
So my trust factor in this world

977
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:47,120
is like almost those people.
And so then she goes, at that

978
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:50,480
point she goes, this, there's a
surgery week, surgery we can do,

979
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:54,240
they can correct it.
And I'm like, well, I'm not

980
00:53:54,240 --> 00:53:56,160
quite ready for that yet because
I don't trust you.

981
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:02,080
So it took about six months or
seven months to be able to

982
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:04,440
become OK with the surgery they
were going to do.

983
00:54:05,240 --> 00:54:08,560
But in the meantime, I got
diagnosed with diabetes.

984
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:12,400
Oh wow.
Because of course, you know what

985
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:18,000
they preach in a A if you have
the obsession, eat junk food,

986
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:21,520
eat sugar, eat this.
And we promote not unhealthy

987
00:54:21,520 --> 00:54:27,080
stuff because that's unhealthy.
Yeah, see, mine wasn't so much

988
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:29,520
that they weren't, we weren't
when the ones I went to.

989
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:32,040
And the way I go is it wasn't
like, hey, let's let's shift the

990
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,160
addiction.
It's just I found my addiction

991
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:37,520
from from drinking to working
out and exercise and things like

992
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:40,920
that, but it was never anything.
You know, they didn't come out.

993
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:43,920
I don't, you know, it's could be
different in Canada, but here

994
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:46,240
there was no talk about how to
replace your addiction.

995
00:54:46,240 --> 00:54:49,240
It was more just this is like
minded people were going to help

996
00:54:49,240 --> 00:54:52,760
you walk, you know, they baby
step through your addiction

997
00:54:52,760 --> 00:54:54,320
recovery, things like that and
more.

998
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,920
Of an accountability.
More of an accountability, Yeah,

999
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,080
yeah, it wasn't like, hey, let's
replace the addiction with

1000
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:00,840
another addiction because that's
not healthy either.

1001
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,360
No, although, although I can
see.

1002
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:09,600
Healthy that says that not quite
so much any but right, so I end

1003
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:12,440
up having the operate well,
actually when I had the radical

1004
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:18,360
prostatectomy, I'm so terrified
of getting loaded because I know

1005
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:22,600
I'm close right.
I did it with no medication good

1006
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:30,720
and my opinion on that's changed
a little bit today, however, so

1007
00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:33,640
Fast forward, I get this new
contraption that helps me to

1008
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:38,560
stop peeing and even in there
just before the operation.

1009
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:43,680
I'm so desperate.
I finally go to this three day

1010
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:48,160
self development class OK and
you got to remember I want to go

1011
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:51,960
home and put a gun on my mouth
every night right now Canada's

1012
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,480
actually even given me the right
to own a gun.

1013
00:55:54,480 --> 00:56:03,280
So I have a gun in my closet.
So I do this course and Sunday

1014
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:05,760
rolls around and I didn't really
get much out of it.

1015
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:09,360
They kind of just teach similar
stuff as the 12 step teaches,

1016
00:56:09,840 --> 00:56:15,560
right?
And how dare they try and upsell

1017
00:56:15,560 --> 00:56:20,840
me to the next course.
So I belligerently walk out

1018
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:23,520
angry, which was my normal
state.

1019
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:27,760
And I go to put my leg over my
motorcycle and I got a 2015

1020
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:33,880
Harley and I think this was in
2016 and 2017 maybe.

1021
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:39,920
And this light bulb goes on.
You want to go home and kill

1022
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:43,640
yourself?
If your bike mechanic Chuck told

1023
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:48,320
you you needed to put $5000 into
your motorcycle tomorrow, your

1024
00:56:48,320 --> 00:56:50,680
credit card would be out in a
heartbeat.

1025
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:57,200
So you would have your therapy.
What is wrong with you investing

1026
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,280
in you?
This is where the story starts

1027
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:05,200
to get pretty cool.
So I walk back in and I pay for,

1028
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:08,160
begrudgingly pay for the course.
Yeah.

1029
00:57:10,480 --> 00:57:16,480
And for the next few weeks or
months, it was like, what did

1030
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:20,840
you do?
But the cool part, I work in the

1031
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:23,880
movie business, so I can have
any time off that I want.

1032
00:57:25,360 --> 00:57:29,080
The courses in San Francisco.
I have a waiver now, though, so

1033
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:34,880
I can legally go to the states.
OK, the course is in San

1034
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:39,400
Francisco, so it's like I'll go
for a week after or a week

1035
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:42,280
before, a week after, make a
good holiday of it and have

1036
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:46,840
three weeks to do this one week
course and COVID comes along

1037
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:50,840
that all up, I can't go.
I was scheduled to go just as

1038
00:57:50,840 --> 00:57:52,360
COVID yet.
That sucks.

1039
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:55,240
Did they zoom it?
Did they go online?

1040
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:56,960
Nope.
No online stuff.

1041
00:57:57,680 --> 00:58:02,840
Wow, Fast forward into COVID,
they shut the movie business

1042
00:58:02,840 --> 00:58:05,680
down.
I got another truckers or job

1043
00:58:05,680 --> 00:58:08,720
and that's when I got the
diabetes.

1044
00:58:09,000 --> 00:58:13,200
So Fast forward again.
They actually bring the course,

1045
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:16,800
they open up the borders a
little bit and coaches can get

1046
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:18,800
or the facilitators can come to
Canada.

1047
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:24,280
That's cool.
So they come to Canada and it's

1048
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:30,520
in Alberta and this ranch, it's
way out in the Bush and not

1049
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:32,880
there's Bush and.
We get what you mean, yeah.

1050
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:39,040
So I go and by then it was kind
of begrudgingly because I'm

1051
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:42,480
leaving a job where I'm making
almost $3000 a week to go do

1052
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,640
this course and I'm taking weeks
off work.

1053
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:52,400
So I'm losing 6 grand and I go
to the course and the day going

1054
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,720
there COVID restrictions are
still there.

1055
00:58:56,840 --> 00:58:59,760
I'm driving from my buddy's
house to the course which is

1056
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:01,840
like 4 hours.
And you got to remember, I'm

1057
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:04,880
still really angry and.
But you're sober and you're

1058
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:06,920
clean.
I'm sober and I'm clean and by

1059
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:12,320
now I think I was 16 years
clean, 17 years.

1060
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:16,240
Which is, which is good.
Pretty sustainable and I know I

1061
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:18,400
just can't I can do anything
else, but I just can't use.

1062
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:25,280
I know that that track wreck
beaten and right, so I got to go

1063
00:59:25,280 --> 00:59:30,160
to the bathroom and not just
stand on the road and pee.

1064
00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:32,720
I got to go, yeah.
I got to go.

1065
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,680
Nowhere will let you in to use
their bathrooms.

1066
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:40,080
So by the time I get to this
rendezvous where they were going

1067
00:59:40,080 --> 00:59:43,400
to follow everybody into where
the ranch is, sure I'm

1068
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:51,400
belligerent.
And so I, we end up at the

1069
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:56,120
course and for some reason after
this belligerency of the first

1070
00:59:56,120 --> 01:00:04,760
day, I freaking show up and we
do this one exercise and we're

1071
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,320
put on the silent treatment and
we're supposed to go back and

1072
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:11,040
write our hopes, dreams and
goals and another one of these

1073
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:15,920
big epiphanies.
And I wrote this limp Dick stuff

1074
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,720
down like the PAT stuff that I
always written down.

1075
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:25,120
And I.
I just had the operation so I

1076
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:33,160
wasn't peeing my pants anymore.
And I go to bed night, we're on

1077
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:34,880
silence so we can't talk to
anybody.

1078
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:38,440
And I wake up in the morning and
I'm like, you fucking ripped

1079
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:44,320
yourself off again.
Put some shit on that paper that

1080
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:48,080
you really want.
And the first thing I want and

1081
01:00:48,400 --> 01:00:51,800
for my generation, and I don't
know about you guys, but when

1082
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:58,280
you call your wife a partner, it
goes back to the days of only

1083
01:00:58,280 --> 01:01:00,400
gay people called their
partners, Right?

1084
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:01,040
Right.
Nothing.

1085
01:01:01,560 --> 01:01:03,440
And today I've changed that.
Like, I don't.

1086
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:06,880
I could give a rat's ass what
you do or who you are or what

1087
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,120
we're all.
But anyway, Yeah, yeah, Yeah.

1088
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:12,920
So that morning I get up and
we're doing these high ropes

1089
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,400
exercises this day.
And there's this guy Felipe.

1090
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:20,000
Changed my life forever.
He's at the bottom.

1091
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,600
And he asked me a question.
He goes, what's your top hope

1092
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:24,680
and dream?
And I said I want a partner.

1093
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:30,160
And he goes to me.
What are you going to say to her

1094
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,400
when you wake up in the morning?
I said, I'll roll over and say,

1095
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:34,520
hey, babe, I love you.
Yeah.

1096
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:36,920
And he goes, well, why don't you
one up it?

1097
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:41,560
And in my brain I'm thinking,
are you a fucking moron?

1098
01:01:41,560 --> 01:01:42,760
How do you one up?
I love.

1099
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:45,600
Yeah.
And he goes, Why don't you roll

1100
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:49,880
over and go, hey babe, how can I
love you today?

1101
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:52,040
Oh, that's nice.
That's awesome.

1102
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:54,520
It's coming from where I come
from.

1103
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:56,240
What the hell?
What do I know about love?

1104
01:01:56,480 --> 01:01:57,760
Yeah.
Yeah.

1105
01:01:57,960 --> 01:01:59,960
A lot about hurt and pain.
Sure.

1106
01:01:59,960 --> 01:02:01,800
A lot about love.
That's cool.

1107
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:08,320
Then I get up to the top of the
ladder and there's this girl

1108
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:11,160
there that had been serving us
food when we eat.

1109
01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:15,200
And she goes, can I say
something to you?

1110
01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:19,000
And I'm like, OK, sure, she
goes.

1111
01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:23,920
She remind me of the elephant in
Ice Age 2, the father.

1112
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:25,440
And I'm like, I've never seen
it.

1113
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:26,920
I don't have kids so I've never
seen ice.

1114
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:29,680
Oh, the Mastodon.
Yeah, OK.

1115
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:30,280
He.
Goes well.

1116
01:02:30,280 --> 01:02:34,560
There's this part in the movie
where the lava fields blowing up

1117
01:02:34,560 --> 01:02:38,200
and his family's over there
needing help and he's just

1118
01:02:38,760 --> 01:02:42,760
barreling through all the lava
field to get to his family and

1119
01:02:42,760 --> 01:02:45,880
all his friends are going go
left, go left and he's going

1120
01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:46,840
right.
Right.

1121
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:51,840
He reminds me of you.
And now this lady had.

1122
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:58,400
No, She wasn't in any of the
classes we had.

1123
01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:00,920
She wasn't in any of that.
She just served me food.

1124
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:02,280
Right.
That's it.

1125
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:05,680
Yeah.
So I tell a few people what

1126
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:10,320
happened that night and I start
looking around and it dawns on

1127
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:13,120
me this is a religious resort.
Oh.

1128
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,320
Which and people are like when I
start telling them, I just

1129
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:19,760
realized it was they go, you
didn't notice the stuff on the

1130
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:21,720
walls.
And it's like, I don't notice

1131
01:03:21,720 --> 01:03:23,720
stuff like that.
I don't, I don't pay attention

1132
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:29,320
enough.
So the, the course was

1133
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:32,520
absolutely amazing and
transforming and I stood up and

1134
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:36,280
when the coach ripped my shit, I
I took it.

1135
01:03:36,320 --> 01:03:40,080
And yeah, ironically enough, it
was kind of funny that there was

1136
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:46,760
39 of us.
I think part of the thing was we

1137
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:50,600
they wanted us to all line up
and how much we made the year

1138
01:03:50,600 --> 01:03:52,080
before.
OK.

1139
01:03:53,280 --> 01:03:56,640
I was the second person to the
top.

1140
01:03:57,200 --> 01:04:00,480
Nice.
And I don't say that arrogantly.

1141
01:04:00,760 --> 01:04:05,040
Not much self esteem because I
would look at you and go, oh,

1142
01:04:05,040 --> 01:04:08,200
you're a lawyer, you must make
way more than me.

1143
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:14,200
And it wasn't about humiliation,
but it was about so people could

1144
01:04:14,960 --> 01:04:20,920
change.
And so on the last day, this

1145
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:25,480
lady that had been kind of, we'd
had a few dinners together, but

1146
01:04:26,040 --> 01:04:28,880
because I'm in the program, it's
like this sort of varies.

1147
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:32,000
You don't touch, you don't go
anywhere, you don't.

1148
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:38,400
So she goes to me.
I thought this, no, I went to

1149
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:39,640
her.
I said, I thought this went till

1150
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:42,280
Sunday.
And she goes, so did I.

1151
01:04:42,880 --> 01:04:46,160
And she goes, I don't have to go
be back to Calgary till Sunday

1152
01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:47,560
night.
And this is Saturday.

1153
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:50,520
And I said, so I guess we're
going out for dinner today.

1154
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:56,880
So we went out for dinner that
night and we've been together

1155
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:59,000
ever since.
And that was, we've been married

1156
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:04,320
for three years this year,
married 11 months from the day

1157
01:05:04,320 --> 01:05:10,040
we walked out of this course.
And we did a few other self

1158
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:11,880
development classes with the
company.

1159
01:05:11,880 --> 01:05:19,160
And once again, it's like Scott
doesn't mesh well with people

1160
01:05:19,160 --> 01:05:22,120
that aren't quite straight up.
And the coaches and the

1161
01:05:22,120 --> 01:05:25,920
facilitators were great, but
their office politics were

1162
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:28,960
shady.
And sure, so I don't have a

1163
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:31,160
whole lot to do with them
anymore, but I also don't have

1164
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:32,720
to bash them, which is a cool
part.

1165
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:35,040
Yeah, I would have been naming
their company and I would have

1166
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:38,480
been bashing them because.
But I guarantee anybody could go

1167
01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:43,320
do the first two courses and
gain huge knowledge about

1168
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:48,440
themselves.
So on the last course we did

1169
01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:53,240
with them, it was a goal setting
course.

1170
01:05:54,920 --> 01:06:03,200
We ended up, I set a goal to go
to Thailand for six months and I

1171
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:05,760
just had some friends that go
there and it was kind of on the

1172
01:06:05,760 --> 01:06:09,960
whim, and I'll backtrack just to
smidge during this course.

1173
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:13,520
It was a crazy course and it was
held in Alberta and it was three

1174
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:17,240
months long.
I made the decision not to go

1175
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:21,520
back to work and focus on this
course for the three months.

1176
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:27,680
And by the end of the course, I
decided I wasn't going back to

1177
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:34,040
work.
And because of the house that I

1178
01:06:34,040 --> 01:06:38,040
own close to Vancouver, I sold
it and I moved up north where I

1179
01:06:38,040 --> 01:06:40,280
live now.
And now I own three properties

1180
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:42,560
and that's kind of how I live is
off rental income.

1181
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:50,160
OK, So Lisa and I are getting
along great and we are

1182
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:53,440
implementing every morning.
How can I love you today?

1183
01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:56,440
That's cool, I like that.
And at first it was

1184
01:06:56,440 --> 01:07:02,720
uncomfortable and bashy.
And half about four months into

1185
01:07:02,720 --> 01:07:05,520
this, it's like, you know what?
I don't know if I lived up to my

1186
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:07,520
expectations.
So I kind of asked.

1187
01:07:08,280 --> 01:07:09,720
We started the thing every
night.

1188
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:11,280
Did we live up to our commitment
today?

1189
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:12,400
Oh.
That's cool.

1190
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:17,000
That's cool too.
I have one of the my, I can't, I

1191
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:19,800
won't even say one of the best
relationships, right?

1192
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:24,600
I have a partnership with
somebody that I never knew could

1193
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:26,680
ever exist.
That's awesome.

1194
01:07:27,640 --> 01:07:35,760
And so now we live together in
Ashcroft, BC.

1195
01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:42,480
And the first trip to Thailand,
Lisa decided she was going to

1196
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:44,160
write a book.
Nice.

1197
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:46,840
And somehow she's inspired me to
write a book.

1198
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:49,040
Right on.
And I wrote my book.

1199
01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:51,080
It's called The perfect My
Perfect storm.

1200
01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:54,840
Congratulations, that's awesome.
Man, and it is an Amazon

1201
01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:57,840
bestseller.
However, somehow through emails,

1202
01:07:57,840 --> 01:08:01,200
I kind of not screwed up the
Amazon bestseller part, but I

1203
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:04,480
got kicked off Amazon.
We haven't been able to correct

1204
01:08:04,480 --> 01:08:06,920
it yet.
That's Amazon, Yeah.

1205
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:08,960
So where can people find your
book?

1206
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:15,440
At Scott, Oh well, she changed
Scott at Forward Walking Choices

1207
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:18,680
and we can e-mail him a book
today.

1208
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:21,720
I'm a life coach, crisis
recovery coach.

1209
01:08:22,439 --> 01:08:26,680
I help people to inspire their
lives because I look back at my

1210
01:08:26,680 --> 01:08:31,279
track record and AA and I
struggled for so many years till

1211
01:08:31,279 --> 01:08:34,640
I started finding actual some
footing and direction.

1212
01:08:35,640 --> 01:08:41,080
And since I wrote my book, I'm
doing some of the courses I went

1213
01:08:41,080 --> 01:08:42,560
down.
Have you guys ever heard of

1214
01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:45,040
Doctor Amon?
No, no, I haven't.

1215
01:08:45,399 --> 01:08:49,439
He's one of the leading ADHD
experts in the world.

1216
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:52,600
OK.
He actually does brain scans

1217
01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:57,359
brain and then diagnose you from
your brain and he's done so many

1218
01:08:57,359 --> 01:08:59,240
that he can diagnose pretty
well.

1219
01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:06,520
And OK, and I skipped actually a
good portion of dealing with

1220
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:07,120
this.
Is all.

1221
01:09:07,120 --> 01:09:09,479
Is all this in the book?
Yes.

1222
01:09:09,600 --> 01:09:10,800
OK.
So don't share all.

1223
01:09:10,800 --> 01:09:13,640
The stuff, Oh no, the ADHD stuff
isn't in the book.

1224
01:09:13,640 --> 01:09:14,880
That's going to be in the next.
Book.

1225
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:16,600
Yeah.
Because we want, we want people

1226
01:09:16,600 --> 01:09:18,080
to read your book.
That's it.

1227
01:09:18,200 --> 01:09:20,080
Yeah.
So don't give us all the details

1228
01:09:20,080 --> 01:09:21,600
because then there's no reason
to buy it.

1229
01:09:21,600 --> 01:09:24,120
Yeah.
I dealt with my trauma before

1230
01:09:24,120 --> 01:09:28,560
that and then now I stepped it
up and went and diagnosed with

1231
01:09:28,800 --> 01:09:33,319
ADHD and you know, that was the
one of the clinchers that

1232
01:09:34,319 --> 01:09:37,640
changed my life as well.
Getting put on some medication

1233
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:42,960
and supplements.
I used magic mushrooms for my

1234
01:09:42,960 --> 01:09:46,840
trauma therapy.
We just had a guy on that did

1235
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:50,240
the same thing he he used magic
mushrooms that got him to stop

1236
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:52,840
drinking and kind of kept him on
the sober path.

1237
01:09:53,000 --> 01:09:55,480
Yeah, I know a few people like
that.

1238
01:09:55,920 --> 01:10:03,200
I'm an advocate for the new
medicines that are out there.

1239
01:10:03,640 --> 01:10:06,800
As am I.
I don't believe in, I believe in

1240
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:12,040
complete abstinence for use if
you're using it to just to dull

1241
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:15,680
this down, if you're using it
for pain, if you're using it to

1242
01:10:15,680 --> 01:10:17,640
help your trauma or your
depression.

1243
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:22,840
I.
Don't know, I'm in the middle of

1244
01:10:22,840 --> 01:10:25,760
writing a different book.
This book is fantastic.

1245
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:30,200
However, I want to get more of
my healing journey.

1246
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:35,680
This is a little bit of the some
of it I look back because of the

1247
01:10:35,720 --> 01:10:37,960
ADHD stuff and what I've learned
about it.

1248
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:41,400
Some of it's still the blame
game, Sure, of course.

1249
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:44,160
And.
When you're telling, when you're

1250
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:46,240
telling your story, I mean,
every time you broke up with

1251
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:48,320
somebody, that was your excuse
to start drinking.

1252
01:10:48,640 --> 01:10:50,360
Yeah.
So right there you you have you

1253
01:10:50,360 --> 01:10:52,520
had to have a reason to drink
and your reason to drink was,

1254
01:10:52,520 --> 01:10:54,440
well, that didn't work out.
So fucking I'm going to drink.

1255
01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:55,520
Yep.
Right.

1256
01:10:55,520 --> 01:10:58,680
So there was there was those any
windows of blaming going on,

1257
01:11:00,160 --> 01:11:06,960
right.
And today, my life, I can't even

1258
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:08,600
believe I have the life I have
today.

1259
01:11:08,760 --> 01:11:10,000
That's good.
That's awesome.

1260
01:11:10,080 --> 01:11:11,240
It's like.
I feel the same way.

1261
01:11:11,240 --> 01:11:14,760
I think Chris does, too.
When you're an addict, you don't

1262
01:11:14,960 --> 01:11:17,880
realize that there's this life
on the other side.

1263
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:22,360
You just can't imagine it.
Well, and sometimes it's not

1264
01:11:22,360 --> 01:11:25,960
even just drugs or alcohol.
We're addicted to the anger and

1265
01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:28,920
the chaos and, and not knowing
what to do.

1266
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:30,640
Like I spent years, I don't know
what to do.

1267
01:11:30,640 --> 01:11:32,720
It's just do the steps again,
right?

1268
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:34,720
Just haven't done the steps
right, right.

1269
01:11:34,920 --> 01:11:37,640
And that's kind of why I'm an
advocate for this, because it's

1270
01:11:37,640 --> 01:11:41,040
like if you got to tell somebody
they haven't done the steps

1271
01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:43,760
right, there's something wrong
with that.

1272
01:11:43,880 --> 01:11:45,840
Well, and see, that's that's why
I go back to that too.

1273
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:48,560
Like I never read the big book
and did I do the steps?

1274
01:11:48,560 --> 01:11:51,600
Yes, but I don't I didn't.
I didn't, I didn't wrap my

1275
01:11:51,600 --> 01:11:54,880
entire life around that process.
Cause to me when I got my chip,

1276
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:58,280
that was the thing that got me
through it because I realized,

1277
01:11:58,280 --> 01:12:00,280
OK, I got 24 hour chip and I got
a 30 day chip.

1278
01:12:00,280 --> 01:12:02,960
But if I can't get the 30 days I
have to give them back with 24

1279
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:05,200
chip.
Well, one thing. 60 Yeah, Go

1280
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:06,400
ahead, Mike.
No, sorry, man.

1281
01:12:06,400 --> 01:12:09,240
One thing you and I agree on,
and I think you're saying it

1282
01:12:09,240 --> 01:12:13,920
right now, is you have to be the
one to want to change.

1283
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:16,360
Somebody can't tell you you're
an addict.

1284
01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:20,040
No, it's kind of like your court
ordered a A when you're 15.

1285
01:12:20,040 --> 01:12:23,520
Yeah, that's going to work.
Yeah, nobody has somebody

1286
01:12:23,520 --> 01:12:26,160
standing in front of them going,
you're fucking your life up.

1287
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:27,920
And they go, oh, yeah, you know
what?

1288
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:29,760
You're right.
That rarely happens.

1289
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:32,480
It may be one out of a million
people go, OK, you're right.

1290
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:35,680
Most people say, what business
is it of yours?

1291
01:12:35,680 --> 01:12:37,280
You know, I'm fine.
I'm doing OK.

1292
01:12:38,160 --> 01:12:40,680
Yeah, and see, I'm I'm kind of
an exception because I was told

1293
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:43,120
I had a problem, but I never
tried to stop because just

1294
01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,960
because I was told I had a
problem, it took my moment of of

1295
01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:49,000
like, oh boy, something's got to
change for me to change that

1296
01:12:49,000 --> 01:12:49,840
then.
But then when?

1297
01:12:50,000 --> 01:12:51,720
That's my point exactly.
Right.

1298
01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:54,760
So it was so significant of a
moment for me that the next day,

1299
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:56,240
literally, I woke up.
Something's got to.

1300
01:12:56,240 --> 01:12:58,000
Change and then I was going to
die.

1301
01:12:58,560 --> 01:13:00,400
Right.
And so never look back, but

1302
01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:03,520
there are, like we talked
earlier, you're kind of the

1303
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:06,120
stereotypical alcoholic where
you can, you're constantly

1304
01:13:06,120 --> 01:13:09,160
trying to get stay sober, stay
sober, stay sober, fall back 1-2

1305
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:10,520
steps forward, one step back
two.

1306
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:14,600
You know, so the fact that now
you're over 16 years clean and

1307
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:17,400
you have a beautiful life and a
beautiful wife and you have

1308
01:13:17,560 --> 01:13:19,600
targets and things you're going
after, like writing another

1309
01:13:19,600 --> 01:13:22,480
book, that's fantastic, man.
That's, that's a great turn

1310
01:13:22,480 --> 01:13:26,240
around in your life, especially
because you were suicidal and

1311
01:13:26,240 --> 01:13:29,280
you didn't want to be here.
So that's another thing as well,

1312
01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:32,720
that you, you didn't succumb to
that depression because then you

1313
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,120
wouldn't be sitting here talking
to us, man.

1314
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:38,960
I've attempted a few times over.
There OK, most people you know

1315
01:13:39,280 --> 01:13:41,480
in that state of depression at
some point time do for sure.

1316
01:13:41,720 --> 01:13:45,440
Yeah, we also, my wife and I do
a podcast.

1317
01:13:45,440 --> 01:13:47,280
It's called Soul Mates and
Suitcases.

1318
01:13:47,280 --> 01:13:49,480
It can be found on Spotify and
YouTube.

1319
01:13:49,960 --> 01:13:52,040
I think on YouTube it's called
the Brewer Leaf.

1320
01:13:52,680 --> 01:13:58,560
OK.
And we have a coaching business.

1321
01:13:59,000 --> 01:14:01,960
Cool.
And we travel the world and have

1322
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:04,400
fun.
That's awesome, man.

1323
01:14:04,440 --> 01:14:06,480
Yeah, that is awesome.
So we have all your links.

1324
01:14:06,480 --> 01:14:09,560
I shared them with Mike, and
from when we drop the episode,

1325
01:14:09,560 --> 01:14:11,920
we'll put all that stuff on
there as well so people can find

1326
01:14:11,920 --> 01:14:15,960
you and then we'll go cross,
like, subscribe, things like

1327
01:14:15,960 --> 01:14:17,360
that and you'll do the same for
us.

1328
01:14:17,360 --> 01:14:19,640
Now, do you have stuff on
Facebook, Instagram as well?

1329
01:14:21,480 --> 01:14:23,600
Yeah, mostly Facebook, I deal
with that.

1330
01:14:23,680 --> 01:14:25,680
I got accounts on Instagram and
stuff.

1331
01:14:25,680 --> 01:14:28,000
I haven't quite ventured into
that.

1332
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:31,080
It's a good gap, but.
Yeah, we have one on Facebook.

1333
01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:34,040
We we're found Facebook,
Instagram, YouTube obviously and

1334
01:14:34,040 --> 01:14:36,400
all the podcast platforms we're
working on putting together

1335
01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:39,000
websites so.
We'll have, yeah, we got a

1336
01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:41,440
website,
forwardwalkingchoices.com.

1337
01:14:42,000 --> 01:14:43,240
Cool.
Yeah.

1338
01:14:43,240 --> 01:14:45,160
Did you send me all that I
thought you sent?

1339
01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:46,280
Oh, I haven't.
You know what?

1340
01:14:46,280 --> 01:14:48,320
I'm gonna get my.
Wife to send you all the stuff

1341
01:14:48,320 --> 01:14:50,880
because she's got it all put
together and perfect.

1342
01:14:50,880 --> 01:14:53,320
Send me your e-mail though.
I don't think you sent it.

1343
01:14:53,360 --> 01:14:54,000
I will.
Yeah.

1344
01:14:54,160 --> 01:14:55,600
I'll send.
Yeah, I'll send you the e-mail.

1345
01:14:56,240 --> 01:14:58,880
This has been fantastic guys.
Thank you very much for having

1346
01:14:58,880 --> 01:15:00,120
me up.
Thank you for let us.

1347
01:15:00,440 --> 01:15:01,920
Thank you for sharing your story
man.

1348
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:04,560
Yeah, so since we're still live
on YouTube, share again how

1349
01:15:04,560 --> 01:15:06,760
people can find your book.
The My Perfect Storm is what

1350
01:15:06,760 --> 01:15:10,600
it's called the author Scott.
Rayerjesus.com, Say again.

1351
01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:15,880
Forward Walking choices.com.
Forwardwalkingchoices.com where

1352
01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:19,360
you can find his book right on.
Man, and invest in yourself,

1353
01:15:19,360 --> 01:15:21,920
because nobody else is going to.
Great.

1354
01:15:22,720 --> 01:15:25,600
Absolutely, absolutely.
And one thing that that you'll

1355
01:15:25,600 --> 01:15:28,080
you'll probably like this one of
the things that we do every time

1356
01:15:28,080 --> 01:15:31,160
we wrap up a show, because Mike
and I both been affected by

1357
01:15:31,160 --> 01:15:33,360
someone who's taking their own
life and you tried it several

1358
01:15:33,360 --> 01:15:36,280
times, is don't let the bad days
win, right?

1359
01:15:36,320 --> 01:15:37,920
Somebody's going to miss you.
Somebody Loves You.

1360
01:15:38,040 --> 01:15:40,000
You don't create that hole in
somebody's heart tomorrow

1361
01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:43,640
morning because they found out
you're gone and they could have

1362
01:15:43,800 --> 01:15:46,240
helped, you know, talk you
through the chaos you're going

1363
01:15:46,240 --> 01:15:47,520
through.
Well, and I don't think we've

1364
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:50,720
had a better example on this
podcast than Scott right here.

1365
01:15:51,360 --> 01:15:53,480
He just said I'm living my best
life.

1366
01:15:53,480 --> 01:15:56,160
Had he taken his own life, he
would have never known this was

1367
01:15:56,160 --> 01:16:00,400
a possibility, right?
So kudos to you for being happy

1368
01:16:00,400 --> 01:16:02,280
again.
I've been on both sides of life

1369
01:16:02,280 --> 01:16:05,920
too, where I was miserable and I
wake up every day and I'm

1370
01:16:05,920 --> 01:16:09,760
grateful I'm still here so.
Yeah, and the way you wake up in

1371
01:16:09,760 --> 01:16:11,280
the morning and the way you go
to bed at night.

1372
01:16:11,280 --> 01:16:12,880
I love those two things.
I do, too.

1373
01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:15,400
That those are powerful, dude.
Powerful.

1374
01:16:15,480 --> 01:16:18,160
And that's why we do this, we,
we both do this cold model way

1375
01:16:18,160 --> 01:16:20,240
today.
Fill probably 3 mornings a week.

1376
01:16:20,240 --> 01:16:22,000
We do it and.
Yeah, but still.

1377
01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:24,200
Some nights, sometimes we just
go, did we?

1378
01:16:24,240 --> 01:16:27,160
Did I fulfill?
Did I fulfill my commitment to

1379
01:16:27,160 --> 01:16:28,920
you today?
Yeah, no, that's cool, dude.

1380
01:16:29,200 --> 01:16:31,280
That's really cool.
Because how do you, how do you

1381
01:16:31,280 --> 01:16:34,720
keep a relationship like you
look in this world today at the

1382
01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:39,040
track record of relationships
now, unless you cherish the

1383
01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:41,680
relationship to me, it's going
to go away.

1384
01:16:42,040 --> 01:16:43,720
Yeah, well, people don't want to
put the work in.

1385
01:16:43,720 --> 01:16:46,720
Like I, I'm, we're my wife and I
have been together 30 years and

1386
01:16:46,720 --> 01:16:49,960
there's, there's little caveats.
There's little caveats I dropped

1387
01:16:49,960 --> 01:16:52,520
#1 you got to have separate
comforters because and you're

1388
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:53,800
not dealing with other Jimmy
Lakes.

1389
01:16:55,480 --> 01:16:56,480
And then you just know your
roles.

1390
01:16:56,480 --> 01:16:59,000
Like I load the dishwasher and
then load it usually.

1391
01:16:59,200 --> 01:17:01,840
And she does the laundry.
I do all the outside maintenance

1392
01:17:01,840 --> 01:17:03,240
stuff.
She takes care of the inside

1393
01:17:03,240 --> 01:17:05,400
stuff.
So there's the dynamic that you

1394
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:08,320
find with, with your, your
partner, spouse, whatever you

1395
01:17:08,320 --> 01:17:10,600
want to call it.
And then obviously you

1396
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:13,360
communicate and you're open and
honest with everything you do.

1397
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:14,680
That's.
The big one right there.

1398
01:17:14,920 --> 01:17:16,400
That's the talk 1.
Right.

1399
01:17:16,400 --> 01:17:18,840
Talking because you know, and
then you tell them you know.

1400
01:17:18,920 --> 01:17:20,680
Here's how I'm feeling.
Right.

1401
01:17:20,720 --> 01:17:23,040
And then you obviously you, I,
hey, I love you.

1402
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:26,080
It's not just a random thing.
You don't like, we just don't

1403
01:17:26,080 --> 01:17:29,040
give flowers on, on Valentine's
Day and Mother's Day.

1404
01:17:29,040 --> 01:17:31,560
In fact, we don't do shit on
Valentine's Day because we don't

1405
01:17:31,560 --> 01:17:34,240
feel like we have to because
every, I mean, there's flowers

1406
01:17:34,240 --> 01:17:35,800
randomly showing up.
I came home yesterday.

1407
01:17:35,800 --> 01:17:37,280
There's flowers on the island,
you know.

1408
01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:39,800
And.
But that's just how we are, and

1409
01:17:39,800 --> 01:17:42,680
that's how I think more and more
people need to understand

1410
01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:45,960
relationships are work, and if
you're not willing to put in the

1411
01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:50,920
time, then you know what do you?
Is it work?

1412
01:17:51,600 --> 01:17:53,120
Well, you know what I mean.
It's like.

1413
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:57,000
I'll use this for an example.
The week we had a friend over,

1414
01:17:57,320 --> 01:18:00,800
Yeah, and I, we got an espresso
machine and a lot of people

1415
01:18:00,800 --> 01:18:03,320
don't know how to use it.
So I make them a coffee with the

1416
01:18:03,320 --> 01:18:04,520
espresso machine.
Sure.

1417
01:18:04,960 --> 01:18:08,840
Lisa's in having a shower and I
know she wants a coffee, but

1418
01:18:08,840 --> 01:18:11,800
I've already made 32 coffees in
a row and I just want to sit

1419
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:15,800
down and enjoy my first coffee.
So really, I kind of

1420
01:18:15,800 --> 01:18:18,320
begrudgingly made her a coffee,
right?

1421
01:18:18,600 --> 01:18:22,400
Because I didn't want to do it.
But obviously I must have wanted

1422
01:18:22,400 --> 01:18:25,000
to do it.
My brain was just telling me I

1423
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:28,000
didn't want to do it and I
wanted lazy, right?

1424
01:18:28,000 --> 01:18:31,440
But I took her the coffee and
snuck it into the bathroom, put

1425
01:18:31,440 --> 01:18:32,640
it on the couch, not stuck it
in.

1426
01:18:32,640 --> 01:18:33,360
But.
Yeah.

1427
01:18:34,040 --> 01:18:36,280
I think that's an example of
what Chris just said.

1428
01:18:36,600 --> 01:18:40,160
It's making the extra effort
that you normally wouldn't have

1429
01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:43,000
done unless it was that person,
right?

1430
01:18:43,000 --> 01:18:45,680
And I'm not doing that for
anybody else except this person.

1431
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:48,440
Yeah, so so the word work may
not have been the right choice

1432
01:18:48,440 --> 01:18:49,480
of words.
Yeah, I know, but.

1433
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:52,680
It's but it's just engaging in
the other person's life, knowing

1434
01:18:52,680 --> 01:18:55,880
those little nuances that will
make their day because you took

1435
01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:57,880
the effort to do.
So 100% yeah.

1436
01:18:57,880 --> 01:19:02,080
But changing it to how you said
at that time makes to me makes

1437
01:19:02,080 --> 01:19:06,760
it sound so positive, yeah.
Yeah, OK, well, I'll make that

1438
01:19:06,800 --> 01:19:09,080
middle note too, man, engaging
with the other one.

1439
01:19:09,400 --> 01:19:12,320
Yeah, yeah, I got.
Anyways, gentlemen, I got to get

1440
01:19:12,320 --> 01:19:15,040
to work cool that I'm doing in
the basement.

1441
01:19:15,600 --> 01:19:16,120
Right on that.
Thank.

1442
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:19,280
You very much and.
Yeah, thanks a lot.

1443
01:19:19,280 --> 01:19:20,120
Absolutely.
Yeah.

1444
01:19:20,280 --> 01:19:23,240
When you when you get ready to
drop your your next book, reach

1445
01:19:23,240 --> 01:19:25,320
out and we'll get you back on.
Awesome.

1446
01:19:25,320 --> 01:19:27,960
Absolutely.
OK Lisa to send you the stuff.

1447
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:32,280
You can probably get her on for
a OK podcast too.

1448
01:19:32,280 --> 01:19:33,760
Cool.
We would like to do that as

1449
01:19:33,760 --> 01:19:35,240
well.
Yeah, awesome.

1450
01:19:35,560 --> 01:19:36,880
All right.
You guys have a great day man.

1451
01:19:37,000 --> 01:19:38,840
All right, have a great day.
Thanks, Scott.

1452
01:19:38,840 --> 01:20:04,680
See you.
The you will go beyond the tail

1453
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:07,400
behind your eyes yourself and
meet yourself.

1454
01:20:10,680 --> 01:20:13,680
Take a moment, look until you
see it.

1455
01:20:14,840 --> 01:20:17,400
Fight the battle that you must
wear.

1456
01:20:19,040 --> 01:20:24,200
Fight the battle, but you must
wear who is your baby to your.

1457
01:21:43,040 --> 01:21:45,560
Now you're turning.
Come down here.

1458
01:21:45,600 --> 01:21:52,400
We haven't found the salad in
the exam from fighting.

1459
01:21:53,280 --> 01:21:57,080
Wait for the day when it's
closer out there.

1460
01:21:57,120 --> 01:22:00,840
You put it away.
You ain't no quizzes.

1461
01:22:01,840 --> 01:22:04,400
We'll play a smile.
You should.

1462
01:22:04,520 --> 01:22:09,080
You quit on the almighty man.
You got a dream.

1463
01:22:10,320 --> 01:22:13,360
Who in your life?
The people.

1464
01:22:13,400 --> 01:22:19,600
Soul in every man.
Take the trail behind your eyes.

1465
01:22:21,120 --> 01:22:31,120
Feel the soul evolution now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1466
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:34,760
yeah.
Take a moment.

1467
01:22:35,480 --> 01:22:38,600
You see, you see him fight your
family.

1468
01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:40,680
To you more clear.
You

1469
01:23:06,430 --> 01:23:08,910
gotta, you gotta.
You gotta.

1470
01:23:09,430 --> 01:23:10,910
You gotta.
You gotta.